by Deborah DiSesa Hirsch

A fresh look at the new type of summer camp and how it can impact the life of your children

If your memories of camp are like mine — bunks smelling like dirty feet, spiders in the shower and (failed) attempts to catch any ball (basket, soft or dodge) lobbed at you — you probably didn’t enjoy it either.

But camps today are a different story. You can develop a killer backhand, design video games, learn how to cook, skateboard or snorkel, create a business plan, play paintball, even gain college credits.

“Camps are great at teaching kids self-confidence as they master new skills in a protected environment,” says Stamford psychotherapist Maud Purcell. “And if it’s the first time a child’s away from home, it gives them a taste of what it’s like to be grown-up.”

It can even be a wonderful coping mechanism for other new experiences in life. “When kids go to college and are nervous or scared, they can think, ‘Well, I went to camp, and I survived that,’” she says.

What’s really nice is that kids who go to sleep-away camp can see what it’s like to have a little freedom and responsibility, yet not be thrown completely on their own. “It’s a nice transition,” she says.

“Camp helps kids begin to progress developmentally — to feel they can handle things on their own as they separate from their parents,” says Dr. Christopher Bogart, a Stamford clinical psychologist.

Older kids present more challenges for camps and parents. Says Norwalk psychiatrist Dr. Steve Bittner, who counsels teens and pre-teens, “There are different issues for different age groups. For 12 to 14 year olds, it’s, ‘Am I cool enough to be liked?’ That may make them do things they wouldn’t try at home. Kids who are 15 or 16 are over that, but they’re more worried about identity — ‘Who am I?’ And if kids are still going to camp at 17 or 18, they’re usually expected to be the leaders, and may even help out as counselors-in-training.”

Is there ever an age that’s too young to send a child away to camp? “I’ve seen some kids go away to camp at age 7 and thought, ‘Well, that’s not the most therapeutic thing,’” says Dr. Bogart. “Even a long day at day camp is hard for younger kids. And then there are the kids I would never have predicted doing well — and they thrived.”

“I’ve seen how it affects kids who don’t always feel socially connected. It’s a clean slate; you can make new friends there. It can be a ‘retry’ at socializing,” says Purcell.

And for kids who go back year after year, it’s a place where they can find real community. Camping fosters independence in kids while giving them a feel for group living, say experts.

Both Purcell and Dr. Bogart agree that social interaction is a vital aspect of camp, whether it’s sleep-away or daylong. “I’ve seen parents send a kid who’s not doing well socially, in predictable situations, who certainly doesn’t improve in the flexible atmosphere of camp, and sometimes, you have counselors who can’t handle that kind of thing,” says Dr. Bogart.

“But a lot of kids find they can make friends anywhere, and that’s one of the most important lessons of camp,” says Purcell.

In addition, when kids go to camp, they learn a lot about themselves, she says. “They’re put in new situations that bring out qualities of strength they might not know they had.”

What about homesickness? Purcell and Dr. Bogart agree that can be a problem. But it doesn’t have to be. Says Purcell, “We advise kids to take something that reminds them of home — a photo, a pillow, sometimes even a ‘lovey,’ like a blanket or stuffed animal they’ve had since birth. If your kid’s really having a hard time, suggest they try it for one week. Usually at the end of that week, they’ve forgotten all about coming home.”

Agrees Dr. Bittner, “You have the kids who really, really want to go to camp who call the first day and say, ‘Get me out of here.’ Then there are the kids who beg not to go, and you can’t get them to come home.”

All three say camp should be fun. But some parents feel camp should also be educational. For them, camps centered on certain religions fit the bill. According to Gloria Skigen of Temple Sinai in Stamford, studies have shown that half the children who attend Judaic camps wind up joining synagogues when they’re older.

And at the Boys’ and Girls’ Club in Stamford, camp’s about the future. Says Mark Ferrer, director of operations, “We help the kids develop business plans, and take a product from concept to market. Many of our kids have had limited exposure to certain things — maybe no one’s ever taken them to the library or to a wholesale distributor to see how the marketplace works. We believe in providing continuing involvement in learning throughout the summer.”

But some kids just never adjust to camp of any kind. Those kids should be brought home, say both Purcell and Dr. Bogart.

Al Shanen, a long-time Stamford educator, sees one potential danger when kids go away to camp. “Youngsters can disengage from family values at camp — pick up negative values from other kids, like conversation or dress. They come back home with a new personality, and sometimes it’s very hard for parents to peel that away.”

Shanen, who’s been a guidance counselor, phys ed teacher and football coach in his almost 40 years in the Stamford school system, says group behavior can be a real drawback if not managed carefully by staff. “No matter how well behaved kids are, once they get on the bus, they’re often very different from the way they are at home, under parental supervision. Punching and shoving, bullying, doing everything parents don’t want them to, and they’re doing it,” he says.

And there are some kids who just don’t belong at camp. “I’m not talking short-sheeting the beds,” says Dr. Bittner. “It’s rare, but sometimes there are kids who say, ‘Let’s get some drugs and see if we can talk some girls into coming here.’”

That’s where professional staff comes in. Gary Bloom, owner and director of Camp Playland, a popular day camp in New Canaan, makes sure his staff of 150 is completely trained to handle its 400 campers from ages 3 to 12. “Fifty members of our staff are teachers, and some have been here for 30 years,” he says. “‘Bullying’ is a buzzword today, and so is ‘cliques.’ You have to have a staff who knows how to handle these things. There are lots of personalities at camp, just like at school. You have to tone down the aggressive kids, and it’s not bad to have cliques but you have to make sure everyone is included in some group. That’s the staff’s responsibility.”

Dr. Bittner says the most important things parents can do when considering camp is to “diagnose” their kids. “There are different levels of readiness and resilience,” he says. Meet with the camp directors before making any decision. “That way, you get a sense of the camp and if it’s right for your child,” he says.

Dr. Bogart stresses that parents need to do their homework when picking a camp, especially if special needs are involved. “The only negatives I see about camps are ones where either the people aren’t trained or they promise something and don’t deliver — like weight loss or major development in kids with Asperger’s syndrome — and they can do real harm if there’s not enough knowledge.”

Some kids, it’s true, just don’t like camp. “We try to work with them,” says Bloom, “but camp’s not a responsibility for a child. Camp should be fun. No one should be here under duress.”

But most kids love camp. Six-year-old Olivia DeLuca of Stamford was shocked to learn she had only one responsibility at camp last summer. “‘You mean, we don’t have to work, we can just have fun?’” recalls mom Sharon.

Says Camp Playland’s Bloom, “That’s what camp should be. A safe, comfortable place, and oh, yeah, you have fun.”